Earworms and memories

Earworms are those catchy songs you just can’t get out of your head.

Sometimes it’s something silly like The Wheels on the Bus.

Or it’s that new Little Mix song that’s constantly on the radio.

Most of the time it’s just a song you overheard in the shop and it just drives you crazy until you hear something else.

Sometimes, it’s a song that reminds you of something. Which isn’t always good.

When songs trigger memories

You know that moment when you hear a song and, suddenly, you’re somewhere else.

My latest earworm was the result of playing my entire music library on shuffle, and no matter what I do I cannot shake it.

Wires by Athlete.

It reminds me of college. It reminds me of a friend in college, more specifically, because it reminded them of me.

Which sounds a bit like “aww that’s nice” but have a play and really listen to the lyrics.

In college I was in a bad place.

I was self harming. I didn’t eat. I didn’t sleep. I was in £4,000 worth of debt. I skipped class to drink (I was actually called to the staff room to discuss the fact that all of my calories came from alcohol…). I wandered around the street without shoes so many times I’ve lost count (at least now when I walk out I remember shoes!)

The general consensus was someone would walk in my room and find me dead before I hit 18.

I used to spend a lot of time with this particular friend to get away from everything, they made me feel safe. I often wonder where they are now.

And back to today…

Life is not perfect and I’m a total emotional rollercoaster who wakes up screaming ‘It wasn’t my fault’ in the middle of the night (no joke, I’m not a good bed friend).

At the same time, I’m so grateful that I’m still here (a long time after 18!). I’m grateful that I’ve stopped self harming. I’m grateful my life is no longer quite to so perfectly described by this song …