What is your earliest childhood memory?

“Tell me about your childhood.”

Standard psychiatrist/psychologist question.

It’s not easy, though.

I’m sure there was Play-Doh and those bake at home Christmas tree decorations that taste gross (yes I know you’re not supposed to eat them).

I know my dad taught me how to ride a bike – I still have drawings of this!

The earliest clear childhood memory I have is going to Center Parcs. I had one of those plastic puzzles where you slide the pieces around to make the picture. Mine was purple and made a picture of one of the Trolls.

I very clearly remember trying to make the troll image while trailing my fingers in a huge fish pond with massive fish.

There’s not much before that. And other than school memories, I don’t have many other childhood memories.

When I first visited the psychiatrist we really tried to bridge my gap between early memories and teen memories.

But all we found were big, empty blanks. And although I have recent history of ‘blacking out’, this feels different. Like I’d blocked out years of my life.

What I do remember:

I remember mum and dad separating when I was 9 years old.

I remember my mum turned to alcohol for comfort.

I remember her chasing me up the stairs when she was hammered.

…I also remember her crawling up the stairs when she was hammered.

I remember making sure my brother was in bed before anything happened and making sure she never went into his room.

I remember her banging against my bedroom door, as I sat against it to hold it closed. She was shouting to get in and I was hysterically crying. Then I saw a pair of orange plastic scissors within arms reach… and took it all out on myself.

Am I the only one that’s blocked out their childhood?

And genuinely can’t remember half of it?

Drop me a comment and let me know!

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