“Tell me about your childhood.”
Standard psychiatrist/psychologist question.
It’s not easy, though.
I’m sure there was Play-Doh and those bake at home Christmas tree decorations that taste gross (yes I know you’re not supposed to eat them).
I know my dad taught me how to ride a bike – I still have drawings of this!
The earliest clear childhood memory I have is going to Center Parcs. I had one of those plastic puzzles where you slide the pieces around to make the picture. Mine was purple and made a picture of one of the Trolls.
I very clearly remember trying to make the troll image while trailing my fingers in a huge fish pond with massive fish.
There’s not much before that. And other than school memories, I don’t have many other childhood memories.
When I first visited the psychiatrist we really tried to bridge my gap between early memories and teen memories.
But all we found were big, empty blanks. And although I have recent history of ‘blacking out’, this feels different. Like I’d blocked out years of my life.
What I do remember:
I remember mum and dad separating when I was 9 years old.
I remember my mum turned to alcohol for comfort.
I remember her chasing me up the stairs when she was hammered.
…I also remember her crawling up the stairs when she was hammered.
I remember making sure my brother was in bed before anything happened and making sure she never went into his room.
I remember her banging against my bedroom door, as I sat against it to hold it closed. She was shouting to get in and I was hysterically crying. Then I saw a pair of orange plastic scissors within arms reach… and took it all out on myself.
Am I the only one that’s blocked out their childhood?
And genuinely can’t remember half of it?
Drop me a comment and let me know!