I’ve been in the system for so long that my mental health has essentially become part of my identity.
This month I’m experiencing how it feels when someone takes that identity away.
Finding my mental health identity
A couple of years ago I plucked up the courage to see a psychiatrist.
He told me straight I had BPD.
Gave me all of the patient handouts, websites to look through, referred me for ‘different therapy’ (his words), etc.
I had struggled with what I thought was a diagnosis, then I came to terms with it. I then reached out to find others with the same.
This month I found out he didn’t diagnose me at all.
Changing my mental health identity
My new counsellor pointed out the error in my notes.
She also noted autism may have been overlooked and that it may explain my experiences better.
I’ve been screened, got a high score, and now I’m waiting for an appointment at an assessment centre.
Until then… I feel like I have nowhere I fit. Again.
And what if it isn’t autism?
My counsellor says I can be retested for BPD. But what if he was wrong altogether?
What if I have to go back to the beginning?
See a different psychiatrist… again…
I’m not saying I want something, I’m not out looking for a diagnosis just for the sake of having something.
I’ve been very quiet on my blog because I have this sense of … almost embarrassment?
I’d love to hear any other stories of misdiagnosis or confused mental health identity…